"We're so deep in debt that we just can't afford all of this staff anymore," said Reid, "It's irresponsible to keep Senators here from inconsequential states like Georgia, Alabama or Arizona when we have to start worrying about closing up shop altogether. We wish them all best of luck on their future endeavors."
Many of the laid off senators took the news in stride, looking forward to other opportunities.
"I've always wanted to try my hand at driving a forklift," said Judd Gregg, former senator from New Hampshire, "Maybe I'll be a roofer. I love heights."
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Reid did not give any indications as to whether or not the former Senators could hope to get their jobs back when things improved.
"I'm not sure if we'll be able to hire them back," said Reid, "First we need to find a few trillion dollars, but if we're making money when we have fewer employees, I don't know that we'll need to hire them back."
"I commend the Senate on doing something as difficult as making layoffs," said President Barack Obama, "Hopefully the House of Representatives will also consider running leaner in order to urge our country back to profitability. I think the senators who got laid off are good, albeit unessential, people and they will find jobs thanks to my stimulus package. As a matter of fact, we allocated millions of dollars towards habitats for sexually confused panda bears. Those habitats will need building and cleaning up on a regular basis. Sexually confused pandas are a messy bunch, so there's no shortage of work. We've had 30,000 job applications already, so get in line, guys."
The only thing that's not funny about this is that I think the Democrats would actually do this if they thought they could get away with it.There's my two cents.
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